I feel really used. I feel totally used by a lot of people that I thought were my friends.
Maybe I feel used by people I wanted more out of. I really don't know. I hate the way it makes me feel though. I feel like I was just something to pass the time. Or maybe just by knowing me, it made you feel cool. And the closer they get to me, the less cool I become. So they keep me at a distance, you know?
Because I'm their "cool" friend. And people like the way that fits into their lives.
Well I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of being the best person I possibly can.
I'm sick of actling like a dirtbag and feeling bad about it. Why can't I just act like some other people? Not all the time, but just every once in awhile. Without regret.
Fuck. I just wish I didn't have to feel like this.
I wish things were different.
Sometimes I wish I were different.
Maybe people would like me less. And thus, like me more.