Jack Maverik (jackmaverik) wrote,
Jack Maverik

The process

So it's Monday the 13th.

I feel really used. I feel totally used by a lot of people that I thought were my friends.

Maybe I feel used by people I wanted more out of. I really don't know. I hate the way it makes me feel though. I feel like I was just something to pass the time. Or maybe just by knowing me, it made you feel cool. And the closer they get to me, the less cool I become. So they keep me at a distance, you know?

Because I'm their "cool" friend. And people like the way that fits into their lives.

Well I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of being the best person I possibly can.

I'm sick of actling like a dirtbag and feeling bad about it. Why can't I just act like some other people? Not all the time, but just every once in awhile. Without regret.

Fuck. I just wish I didn't have to feel like this.

I wish things were different.

Sometimes I wish I were different.

Maybe people would like me less. And thus, like me more.

Jack Maverik
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